Defying Gravity

Defying Gravity (From “Wicked” Original Broadway Cast Recording/2003)

This is a song from one of the greatest Musicals ever, “Wicked”. It’s about not accepting limits, and doing what might not seem “normal”. When normal doesn’t work for you anymore you need to get a little creative.

I have been getting creative and it seems to be working finally! The Doctors I am seeing now are the first ones to ever truly listen to me and want to help. I don’t think any of my former Doctors did anything to me intentionally, but I think a lot of ignoring me as a patient, and not really believing my symptoms has lead me to where I am at now.

That is the great thing about this place, I am pretty sure they have strict criteria for getting into the program, but I also don’t think anyone doing it is doing it for the fun of it, or to get their hands on drugs like most pain doctors treat their patients. No one does 7 hours of treatment a day for fun. Your life has to be severely impacted by the pain. Your body has to moving differently then it did before. You have to have some sort of disability. This is a word that I do not like, but am getting a little more comfortable with. I try to take the Doc’s advice and focus on what I am ABLE to do instead, but in all reality I am pretty disabled currently. I know it will get better, but I am coming to terms with the idea that I’m never going to be fixed. This week has been tough. I started getting really bad pain Monday afternoon, and this afternoon it finally started calming down.

I have my classmates to thank for this, because we were laughing so hard in pool time today 😂. It took my mind off it and loosened me up at the same time. They turned the music up real loud and just let us have fun 😊. We listened to Marvin Gaye, Stevie Wonder, and all sorts of good stuff. It was still a workout obviously, but a fun one. We all LOVE the pool. I had a bad day last week and was scheduled for OT (occupational therapy) and that can get painful sometimes. I asked if I could do the pool instead because it’s very gentle, and they had no problem with a change. Like I have said, they encourage us to listen to our bodies, which I love, because a Doctor might have all the knowledge I need, but I know my body and my pain better then anyone. It’s teamwork 😊😊

This song sums up today pretty well. We keep being reminded of having hope. And I cannot stress enough how important this is. Things might suck today, I know they mostly did for me today, but tomorrow will be another day, and that’s enough for me 😊.

This is my favorite part of the song:

Something is not the same

I’m through with playing by the rules

Of someone elses game

Too late for second-guessing

Too late to go back to sleep

It’s time to trust my instincts

Close my eyes and leap!

It’s time to try

Defying gravity

I’m through accepting limits

‘Cuz someone says they’re so

Some things I cannot change

But till I try, I’ll never know!

Too long I’ve been afraid of

Losing love I guess I’ve lost

Well, if that’s love

It comes at much too high a cost!

I’d sooner buy

Defying gravity

Kiss me goodbye

I’m defying gravity

And you can’t pull me down



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