Swim – Jack’s Mannequin – 2008 … this song gets me through the tough days, the lyrics are at the end of this post. Just keep swimming. I received an e-mail from Northwestern University today reminding me to fill out my six month survey for their cervical artery dissection registry. I am happy to report … Read more swim
Raw Material. Refined Design. I am a bit uncommon, so I am loving this very unique watch from Jord Watches. The colors are beautiful, and the quality is stunning. It looks nice next to the morning glories! I have always been more into accessories than other fashion, and this watch is my new favorite piece. … Read more My Favorite New Accessory | An Uncommon Wood Watch by JORD
Yesterday I went back to the AbilityLab for a re-check. I’ve been really nervous for the tests, mostly because it’s hard to tell if you are getting better or worse when you are always in pain no matter what. I saw improvements with everything! One of the things I struggle with a lot is … Read more maintain the pain
While I can’t say I have been doing great, I have gotten some good news about my health that i want to share. I’ve also gotten some bad news, so I’ll share it all. I saw my Neurologist a few weeks ago at Northwestern. He specializes in stroke and neurocritical care. He is a really … Read more for good
Sometime you just gotta go for it. That was how my most recent hospital stay ended up, and it worked out well and I am feeling very optimistic about feeling better.
It has been a bumpy road to get here, but I had a long heart to heart with one of my Doctors (one of the Neurologists) while I was there this week and just voiced all my concerns and issues, and how miserable I have been (pain wise), and while she seemed like at first she was not going to be able to do anything to help, she ended up going way out of her way to help, and that gives me a glimmer of hope that there are still some people out there trying to help 🙂 I don’t really like people feeling bad for me, so I tend to downplay my issues, but sometimes I gotta just tell it all, ugly crying and all….
Basically, she got a Pain Management doctor come to see me in the hospital. No one seems to belive how much pain I am in, and the medication they have been giving me has not helped. Note: I feel like they don’t belive me, but I think it is mostly Doctors being scared to prescribe medications, because I have NEVER had so much trouble in 8 years of dealing with pain. The medication I was taking makes me tired, and crabby but doesn’t do much for the pain. Well, after talking with the Pain Management doctor at the hospital, my doctor (the Neurologist) called my pain management doctor to give her the recommendations. It’s all really confusing, and somewhere along the line there was definitely some miscommunication, but my pain management doctor did end up prescribing me something that seems to be helping more so far! 🙂
Also, next week I will start seeing someone at the Shirley Ryan Ability Lab. My Neurology team referred me there, since I am having so much trouble getting this pain under control. This is the old RIC in downtown Chicago, and it is supposed to be a FANTASTIC place that I know of at least 3 people personally who they have helped, and I am sure I will hear of more now that I am going there. I am really excited, as I think they will help me more than anyone else has been able to 🙂
So while this hospital stay was still pretty terrible, I came out with a few good things to look forward to, and more hope that there are Doctors who will help 🙂
**The song is Machine Gun Kelly feat. James Arthur ‘Go For Broke’ it fits with this week 🙂
I love this song. I’m referencing it because it feels pretty good to have a few Doctors who are working with me and helping me figure out what’s wrong. As for the rest of them… I’m done! The only one left to find is a good Primary Care Doctor, and I am going to go to Northwestern for that. I think it makes the Doctors job easier and my job easier for them to have all of my current records available. I can’t keep traveling with a binder of test results and diagnoses to try to convince these doctors I am in pain. I have to travel over an hour to see these doctors now, but it is well worth it.
I received a letter in the mail from Northwestern today asking me to be in a research study. This is the second one they have asked me to be in so far. The first one is “Prospective, Observational Cervical Artery Dissection Registry.” This new one is “Efficacy of Gadoterate in Diagnosis of Vascular diseases Using MRA.” If these sound like they are in a different language I am pretty sure they are!
The first one is described on the paperwork I was given as, “We are asking you to take part in this research study because you have a cerebrovascular abnormality called cervical artery dissection that requires evaluation and/or admission to Northwestern Memorial Hospital. This research study is a registry, which is a collection of observational information regarding patients with this abnormality.”
Basically, they will follow-up with me intermittently to check on my status, and are doing this with others with similar “abnormalities.” They will see how I am doing with symptoms and pain every few months.
The second one, which I just received an invitation to is described as, “You are being asked to participate in this research study because you are a patient at a Northwestern Memorial Healthcare Corporation entity, who recently completed a Magnetic Resonance Angiography (MRA) scan. This scan was ordered by your doctor to evaluate the blood vessels in your neck, chest or abdomen using the contrast agent gadobutrol which is the standard of care contrast agent at NMH. Contrast agents are chemicals that are injected into a vein and which then travel through the bloodstream. These chemicals act as dyes to make MRA images brighter. An MRA is a type of magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) scan that uses a magnetic field and pulses of radio wave energy to provide pictures of blood vessels inside the body.”
I have gotten SO many CTs and MRIs/MRAs with contrast over the years. It is how they have diagnosed all of my vascular issues, including this most recent one (they diagnosed my dissected artery with a CT with contrast). I am weirdly excited that they asked me to participate in this one. Not only do I get a free MRI, but they will also pay me $50 to participate. #WINNING !! It says also in the notes sometimes they are able to diagnose unknown conditions with this study, and if they do they will notify me. I will have the MRI/MRA next week, I figure if I can help out in some small way, especially in diagnosing vascular problems, you can sign me up!
I’m an INFJ. I feel like that explains a lot about me. If you aren’t familiar, it’s a personality type. There are 16 different personality types under the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI). I’ve always known I was a little different, but I came to find out I am ever rarer than I ever knew! Only about 1% of the population are INFJ, so if you know me and think I’m a little different but couldn’t pinpoint it, here you go 🙂 I always thought so too!
I just learned about personality types last year and it has helped me learn a lot about myself, and why I do the things I do. If you have never taken the test before, take it here…MBTI Test and if anyone else comes up INFJ, tell me!! I suspect a few family members (especially my Dad’s side, the Gaucks) are also INFJs and probably my Dad before he passed away also, or at least something similar. I think my Moms side (the Andersons) are a more Extraverted bunch, so they are probably E -Extravert something. Either way if you take it, let me know what you got!
Information: Do you prefer to focus on the basic information you take in or do you prefer to interpret and add meaning? This is called Sensing (S) or Intuition (N).
Decisions: When making decisions, do you prefer to first look at logic and consistency or first look at the people and special circumstances? This is called Thinking (T) or Feeling (F).
Structure: In dealing with the outside world, do you prefer to get things decided or do you prefer to stay open to new information and options? This is called Judging (J) or Perceiving (P).
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The test asks a bunch of questions based on Carl Jung’s Psychological Theories from the 1920-1950s and then tells you your personality type based on your answers.
I find all of this to be so interesting because my personality type matches me so spot on.
I’m not sure if I took this test when I was 22 if I would’ve gotten the same results, but after my accident I became much more Introverted, probably because I was forced to. I like being around people, but I need my alone time or I am physically and mentally exhausted. I recharge by sleeping and by spending time alone reading or listening to music. These are key Introvert traits.
Some of the other traits that I relate to are enjoying/recharging from alone time, being exhausted being around a lot of people (like needing a day to recover after a big event, but this also has to do with my health so who knows!!), people I don’t know think I’m quiet/shy or mean (and often a bitch/mean due to the Introverted curse ‘Resting Bitch Face’), but I’m usually just quiet when I don’t really know someone. I read somewhere that Introverts are too busy thinking, ALL the time (another Introvert curse, overthinking) and don’t usually pay attention to the expression on their face, this leads to RBF 🤣😂
This isn’t the same as being ‘shy’, because anyone that knows me or has known me a long time will tell you I’m not shy. It just takes me a while to open up a little. Everyone has some degree of both Introversion and Extraversion but mostly we all lean more towards one. I go way towards Introversion, especially when I’m not feeling well!!
The part about decision making is very accurate for me also. We all make decisions based on either logic (T – thinking) or on people and special circumstances (F – feeling). It might not always seem like it, as INFJ’s are pretty misunderstood, but my decisions are almost always made based on feeling and circumstances. This isn’t always a great trait, as it can get me into trouble, but nonetheless, it’s me!
“INFJs often appear quiet, caring and sensitive, and may be found listening attentively to someone else’s ideas or concerns. They are highly perceptive about people and want to help others achieve understanding. INFJs are not afraid of complex personal problems; in fact, they are quite complex themselves, and have a rich inner life that few are privy to. They reflect at length on issues of ethics, and feel things deeply. Because Counselors (The name they call INFJ’s, also called the Advocate on other sites) initially appear so gentle and reserved, they may surprise others with their intensity when one of their values is threatened or called into question. Their calm exterior belies the complexity of their inner worlds.
Because INFJs are such complex people, they may be reluctant to engage with others who might not understand or appreciate them, and can thus be hard to get to know. Although they want to get along with others and support them in their goals, they are fiercely loyal to their own system of values and will not follow others down a path that does not feel authentic to them. When they sense that their values are not being respected, or when their intuition tells them that someone’s intentions are not pure, they are likely to withdraw.”
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Add this to my Chronic Illnesses and Pain, and we have a recipe for a homebound geek who watches Star Wars on Friday nights. I really do this, but I don’t want to do it all the time 😂😃 , so know if I am making an effort to get out, to see you, to do anything other than stay in my bed blogging, reading and watching garbage on TV, it takes a huge effort. And if I have not seen you in a while, I am trying to catch up with everyone, but I only have a few good hours a day lately and most of those hours are spent at Doctor visits…. At least I have a lot of free time now !!
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The song is Alessia Cara, Here. She is a newer singer and a self described (in this song) Anti-Social Optimist, and an Introvert and I love her! It describes being an Introverted person pretty well! Also… the part about a friend in the kitchen Gossiping about her friends… seriously girls. This is why I cannot be friends with some people any longer. Why cant we all just get along. 😂😬😘
I have a really big variety of music I listen to. I think I pick up a lot of what is around me, and then I listen to it until I know every word and every song LOL, it’s just something I’ve always done! I know the entire Hamilton Soundtrack and I have not even seen the play yet! In fact I can probably sing 10 full musicals start to finish. I think I missed my calling when I was young 🙂 Right now I am obsessed with Cardi B’s new music so expect a blog post for one of those songs soon. My parents listened to everything growing up and all of my family members are big music fans too 🎶 🎵 🎼. My parents went and saw Bob Marley when they started dating 😂😃.
This song is kind of perfect for this week because I stood up to a Doctor yesterday, and while I ended up deciding I’m not going back to him, and told him that, I’m glad I did. I need Doctors I am comfortable with. This song is also great for pretty much everything going on in this country lately 🤣🤣
As someone who sees Doctors almost every day as of lately, I think it is my right as a patient and human to be treated with a little dignity and respect. This Doctor (Primary Care) didn’t want to fill out my forms for work and told me to never bring them back, to give them to my other Doctors. I think maybe I offended him because that was pretty much my only purpose for the visit, but that was all I needed!! I also think he just didn’t want to deal with paperwork. Great, I don’t either!! 😂
I have only seen him twice before so I don’t have many records to transfer and didn’t think he was all that great to begin with, but this is just getting ridiculous to find Doctors that will help. I need the form so I can keep my job and Insurance for my husband and me. No big deal. While this is probably the Doctor’s last priority, it is my first, and I will find someone else I can rely on to help me with paperwork. I have had good Doctors in the past who have been helpful with it, but of course they were unhelpful in other ways. He did fill it out for me, but now I need a new Primary Care Doctor, again 😂. Taking suggestions if anyone has one they love in the Chicago area. If I don’t find one nearby I am just going to transfer everything to Northwestern. I think that will make my life easier, other than the hour it takes to get there, this guy was down the street.
In better news. I love my new Pain Management Doctor and she is working with me, so I will focus on that.
I was reminded yesterday to Breathe. Sometimes I forget that. This can get so stressful and overwhelming sometimes, but always important to remember. Even more than just remembering to Breathe, I’m going to start incorporating more meditation into my day. When I am in a ton of pain, and stressed out, it is very easy to start feeling overwhelmed.
This has not been a great week so far for pain. The new medication my Pain Management Doctor prescribed gave me a Migraine that lasted 5 days on and off, and it was completely miserable! This was an ER (extended release) Opioid, which I was hopeful about as it would mean only having to take one pill a day for pain, and having none of the Acetaminophen that is in the Norco that I was taking. I tried it for a week, and the Migraine would not completely go away, so I went off it, and am back on the original medicine. I am just glad I have a Doctor who is willing to work with me on this. I am already on so many medications, and have so many restrictions my treatment options are very limited at this point, but I love that she is willing to try something new and think outside the box. My Migraine is finally gone, now it has just turned into a lingering headache. For those not familiar with the different headaches, a Migraine is the kind where I cannot even get out of bed, a headache for me is just pain that I can kind of function, but still doesn’t feel good.
I went back to CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) this week also. I have had the same Therapist on and off since 2010, so that is nice that I only had to catch her up on the last year since I saw her, and not the last 8 years! She is the one that reminded me to Breathe 🙂 Going back to her was definitely a good decision. When I get stressed and overwhelmed she helps put things into perspective, and steers me in the right direction, like Meditating twice a day to chill out a little 🙂 I am a huge supporter of Therapy, so if anyone has any questions about how it can help if they have been thinking about it, please reach out, it is really helpful 🙂
Slowly but surely making some progress 🙂
**Also note: I am copying off Grey’s Anatomy and making my new Blog Posts song titles… so I will try to include the song on the page. Enjoy this one by Pearl Jam. **
Well another one on the couch … we have been trying to go out all week, but I haven’t been feeling good. Tonight was going to be date night but my Migraine will not stay away and it leaves me being able to do nothing but enjoy the few hours I do feel ok 🙂
I had a few good encounters/interactions with Doctors, a Pharmacy, and kind of the Insurance company so I will take that as the win this week.
I saw my new Pain Doctor, and I loved her, so that was fantastic. This is the wife of the last guy I saw. I liked their practice, and the Nurses and staff have been really great, but I just couldn’t see getting along with the guy. I am so happy I liked her, and she seemed very willing to help and work with me which is soooooo great. She was wearing super cute Cowboy boots, and I LOVE Cowboy boots👢 so she mostly had me from the start 😊. For the first time in 8 years of pain I was prescribed a ER (Extended Release) pain medicine and it seems to be helping. It is taking some getting used to and has sent my headaches outta control but once those get more under control, I think this should be better. Once I can go off the blood thinners (months from now) she is going to try something on my neck muscles with Botox that I had never heard of, so as usual I will try anything, and am excited! I’ll see if she can do a few shots in a few wrinkles near my eyes too, maybe Insurance will cover that!!
Speaking of the headaches, they have been getting worse and worse and finally turned into a full blown Migraine on Friday. I ran out of my Medicine I take and the Neurology Specialist I saw this week couldn’t refill it for me, something about certain medications and certain Doctors and who knows with Insurance anymore. I spent all morning on the phone with my Primary doctor and the Pharmacy and they were talking to Insurance because Insurance will only cover 9 pills per month, and my Doctor asked for 30, and I literally only want one pill !!!!!!
The pharmacist was super helpful and talked to the Doctor and Insurance and after like 6 hours and John having to go to the Pharmacy twice I got my medicine and it went away. It just Keeps. Coming. Back.
I took the train to Northwestern today, repping the Cubs
I am really lucky. Like really really really lucky. Someone is definitely looking out for me. Not only did I survive tearing my aorta, but I have also now torn a second major artery, and somehow escaped the worst case scenario again. This can get frustrating, but I am really glad they found both before they turned into something really bad. Again, I am REALLY LUCKY.
I went for my follow-up appointment today at Northwestern and it went so much better than talking with that last Doctor when I was in the hospital went. I got a few more diagnoses and referrals, but I am overall very happy with how everything went today. I saw a Nurse Practitioner today in the Neurology Stroke Program (I guess because of my dissection, and because it can cause a Stroke, this is the speciality I see now). She answered all of my questions and explained everything really throughly and so that I would understand it, and I always appreciate that. I pretty much have to take it easy for the next 3 months. I will have a follow-up scan in July, and untill then we just let it heal. I have no patience for “letting it heal,” so you can probably expect a whole bunch of Blog posting from me for the next few months being at home is already driving me up the wall. This is actually the LONGEST I have ever been off work. Every other time I have needed to take time off it has been for surgery and I healed and went back. Even my initial accident, I went back after 6 or 7 weeks. I have been off for two months now, and I am going to need to find some new hobbies because I got bored of TV weeks ago 🙂
So she said it’s going to hurt alot, and it is going to take time to heal, but it should feel better. Hearing that helps of course!!! I don’t think all of the pain is ever going to go away, but if it will come down a few notches, I am cool with that! Tomorrow I go back to Pain Management. Hopefully actually having this diagnosis will help this Doctor belive my pain and start to actually help me with it. Right now, nothing is working 🙁
She also referred me to a Cardiologist, because I have some new Cardio related diagnoses to add to the list… I got a bunch of tests done while I was there that I have never had before, so I guess they found some new stuff, fun. I have a Murmur, PFO (Patent Foramen Ovale, or a hole in the heart), and Tachycardia. There are no appointments available until June 1st, but I am on a cancellation list, so I might be able to get in sooner. It’s just one thing after another here! Is this list ever going to stop???
After Northwestern, I had Physical Therapy. I can’t really do much yet in physical therapy, but she worked on some of my muscles today, and that seemed to loosen them up a bit. I got a bad headache after, but that happens alot lately, and is probably from this dissection. The headaches have been coming back almost daily unfortunately.
Overall a good day of appointments, now just to find a way to feel a little better!
I’m home from the hospital and I don’t even know where to begin….
This picture sums up how I feel about my recent hospital visit 🙁
I am so happy that I listened to my crazy body and went to the ER on Tuesday. I couldn’t get out of bed all day, because the pain was so bad, and just as John (my husband) was going to sleep I said I don’t think this can wait… and we headed downtown to Northwestern Memorial Hospital in Chicago. It was an absolute nightmare from start to finish, but I think overall it was really good I went there. Northwestern has a great reputation, and has amazing doctors, but honestly I have never seen such a shitshow in my life. I had 25 Doctors coming to my room daily to ask me questions, but I was so lost the whole time. They kept telling me things they were going to do, treatments, tests, medications etc. and then the next doctor would come in and have no idea what I was talking about, and have a whole new plan. I ask alot of questions, and am probably a pretty annoying patient but I still deserve to understand what is happening with my body, and after leaving there I have never been more confused.
We waited 5 hours just to get a room in the ER, they were pretty busy and had patients in the halls on gurneys, which is definitely not unusual for the ER there. Right off the bat the ER doctor said they aren’t going to be able to figure out what is wrong with me, and all they could do was maybe help with the pain. Great, so glad I drove an hour and waited 5 hours to hear this. They were going to order a CT to make sure my stents and bypass were in place, but other than that I would just have to follow up with the Doctors I was already seeing. I went there hoping they would just admit me and figure it all out, but this wasn’t looking good at this point. The ER doctor wasn’t very nice, and didn’t really give the vibe that he wanted to help. What else is new…
I had the CT and fell asleep waiting for the results. The ER doctor came back in, woke me up and told me I had a dissected artery and that someone else would be in to tell me more. I am half asleep and not really understanding, but I know that anything dissected is not good, especially an artery.
The next few hours were really confusing and scary, as they kept telling me they had to make sure I hadn’t had a stroke, and was being moved to the stroke floor (neuro). They did an MRI of my brain, two Transcranial Dopplers, X-rays, an Echocardiogram, and a CT. Thankfully nothing showed a stroke.
The thing that is toubling to me, is that this doesn’t even explain my pain, or all of the weird things going on in my body. This is just one more for the list. I feel like I am back at the beginning, but with added symptoms, and more medications. I’ve been trying to go OFF medications, I feel like doctors just keep adding meds that don’t help. The ones added by the hospital are very necessary, but I feel like I am taking a step backwards 😒. The only thing this dissected artery explains is my neck pain and my headaches. I am hoping this new medication I am taking will help with this over time, but it could take months…..
Basically the course of treatment for a dissected Vertebral Artery is to take anti-coagulation medication and check on the progress. I am still really lost on all of this but here is how it was explained to me… There is a tear in the lining of the artery, and when the tear happens, it forms a clot. The blood gets trapped in the tear and has no where else to go. The medication I am taking will thin the blood and dissolve the clot. Hopefully as this happens the pain will get better. ?
I was on the Neurology/Stoke floor so alot of the Doctors there don’t really understand all of my other Vascular issues, or that I am in a ton more pain than I should be. THAT is what is concerning to me. Its been really hard to get my pain under control, and if the pain isn’t really explained by this issue, where is it coming from?!?!?!? And why are none of my doctors concerned by this? I am very concerned by this. This was why I wanted to go to Northwestern, so they could look at my body as a WHOLE and maybe get some things figured out. I feel like all I have is 1000 more questions.
They switched my medication I take for my heart rate/migraines and my heart went out of control. My heart rate was going up to 150 from taking a sip of water and barely moving. It was up at 170 when I got up to go to the bathroom and walk 4 steps. My heart rate NEVER goes this high unless I am doing serious Cardio, and that is not very often. I was on Propranlol for the last probably 7 years, and they switched me to Varapamill because they thought it would help more. They didn’t taper it or anything so it was probably just withdrawing from something I have taken every day for 7 years. They were still trying to discharge me while this was going on….??!! I realize I am probably a little more paranoid about my own body then the doctors are, but when I am getting dizzy getting up from my bed, and my heart feels like it is beating out of my chest, I didn’t really feel like it was time to go HOME?!?!?!
They ended up letting me decide if I wanted to stay another night, and I decided yes. After all this though, my “team” of doctors never even came back. They sent in what seemed like the least experienced and least helpful one to “deal” with me Friday when I was trying to get discharged. My nurse told me at 7 am that I would be discharged in an hour, and to have my ride come. Well I didn’t get discharged until around 1:30pm and it was not a fun morning. This doctor that they sent in lied to me multiple times, and I will NOT have her treating me going forward. She actually ended up apologizing to me in the end and thanked me for teaching her something about how medications and Pharmacy’s worked. Yep, I taught a doctor all about how Pain Medicines work at the Pharmacy, and she literally had no idea. She wrote the prescription wrong, and I have had the same issue multiple times, so I tried to explain to her what it needs to say in order for me to take my medication correctly, and be able to get a refill when I see my pain doctor this week. Not only is it hard enough to get a Doctor to prescribe something that helps, but then you have to make sure it is written correctly because the Pharmacy is worse than the Doctors and they REALLY don’t care if you don’t have the meds you need. She actually told me to take them NOT as she wrote the prescription, and just take more, which is wrong on so many levels. She was just lazy and didn’t want to re-do it. She fixed that one, and it was ready when I got home. The actual important medication that she prescribed was not of course. My new blood thinner was not there, and me and John spent all afternoon into evening calling the hospital and pharmacy. I got hung up on a few times before I gave up, and John finally got through to my Nurse (who was awesome I have to say) and after she sent the request to the Doctor 3 more times, it was finally at the Pharmacy at like 7pm. It shouldn’t be this hard. I just want to feel better, and our crappy health system is making it damn near impossible. #Onward #AndTired
… he never came back from Copperhead Road — Steve Earle
